Friday, June 8, 2012

Again, Absentee Blogger

Since I've been keeping a paper journal, I haven't been posting here as much... I feel like I've vented enough there now, and things have settled here enough, that I feel like I might be able to pull out a coherent blog post! Oh, snap!
It is probable that I will be experiencing divorce sometime this year... although at the very least my ex will be moving out sometime this summer (such is the plan, anyway). Whether or not he follows through with the filing... remains to be seen. Telling him that I no longer wished to be a couple is probably one of the scariest things I've ever done, and so long overdue. I will always carry some guilt for hurting him, but the truth of the matter is that we are really not compatible as a couple. We get along okay, but the things that are important to a romantic relationship just aren't there, and we are too different in that respect. I am a very emotional person, and he is incredibly emotionally stunted. He's appallingly good at hiding his feelings. For too many years I've tried to force myself onto the same path, and it only ended in misery.
The kids are aware that their dad is going to move, but only Coralie really knows about the divorce part. Keelan is starting to ask why his dad is getting another house, and I'm still trying to formulate an age-appropriate explanation for him.
I know that at least some of the people who are aware that we had an open marriage for awhile would probably jump to the conclusion that either I'm leaving him for another man, or that being open caused our marriage to fail, neither of which is true. The issues within my marriage are long standing... and I knew before the idea of being open came up that my marriage was probably going to end, but I didn't know when. It is probably true that being open hurried things along some, because once I became involved with someone who is completely and totally compatible with me, it made me see how a romantic relationship is *supposed* to be. And how much was very wrong in my marriage. I had hoped that getting my physical/emotional needs met elsewhere might help me adjust my expectations of my spouse, but it didn't work that way.

I expect some bumps, as far as the kids are concerned... my ex and I are trying to be very sensitive to them during this time. We both want to keep their access to him as close to what it is now as is possible. The plan is for him to find a place to live close by, so that he can still come in the mornings and take them to school, and they can see him when they want.

Since all this came about, my boyfriend and I have become more serious... although we are still open, we've both expressed that the desire to date others has waned. I think what's important to both of us is that the *option* is there. Neither of us feels trapped. I could probably spend a lot of time here fawning over him. But I won't. Suffice to say, getting involved with him is one of the best choices I've ever made, next to my kids. We are very alike. We are both dealing with failed marriages, and we each provide a healing, safe haven for the other. We have many of the same interests, we think alike, and our personalities are similar. And what do you know? My libido came back!

It's likely that he will move in with us at some juncture... Coralie is aware of this, and seems okay with it. I've explained that I'm not replacing her dad, and that I don't expect her to call him that or even think of him as such. Both of my kids like him very much, and I don't want to wreck that by trying to apply labels.

So that a bit of my life in a nutshell.

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