Monday, February 20, 2012

Beginning a New Journey

The Husband and I have changed our relationship status from 'married couple' to 'platonic'. I guess we're separating, in a manner of speaking, but neither of us is moving out of the house. I've been in the process of moving myself into the family room and remaking it into a sort of multipurpose bedroom.
I feel okay about this decision. I know that there will be ups and downs, and I don't really know where the path will lead. But it feels okay. I don't want pity from people... we don't hate each other. We're just not right for one another.
I've been surprised by the number of people who seem perplexed by this arrangement. I guess they haven't had the chance to actually look at what's involved with filing for divorce (if you're going to do it yourself). Most importantly, though, we're trying to do what feels right for our children. And me taking them out of their home and moving into an apartment that I can't afford is not it.
Taking some steps away and not viewing my husband as my husband anymore has shown me some things... some of the ways that I've fucked our relationship up over the years. It reinforced my belief that we just can't really make it fly as a couple. Not in a healthy way. Our respective personality types have allowed us to sort of fudge it all these years, but all the while I have been hurting him terribly without even knowing it. (For his part, he never said anything to me about it until very recently) Having a second relationship that actually *works* the way its supposed to also made all the things that weren't in my marriage glaringly obvious. And no, I am not leaving one man for another. I have none of those kind of plans, and my other relationship isn't the kind where we make future plans, anyway. Which is quite freeing, actually, not to have those kind of expectations.

Husband took off his wedding ring today... kind of a sad milestone...

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