I've been doing some reading today, on how to talk to kids about cancer. I think I need to talk, probably with both, but definitely with Keelan, about some of the specifics of my mom's illness. We've told them that she's ill, and that she might not get better, but that's about all. Not because we wanted to hide it from them, but there was so much we didn't know. And because I *couldn't* talk about it much without losing my composure.
Keelan's teacher mentioned to me last week that he had mentioned grandma's illness at school, but that he seemed confused by it. He's also been exhibiting some other behaviors... not going number 2 for days at a time, loss of appetite, fatigue. He could be fighting off a virus, but the timing is suspicious. I'm afraid he's feeling anxious. So, I think I need to let him in on a little more detail regarding my mom's cancer, and see if he has any questions. The kids have been to visit her since she's been ill, and it's pretty obvious that there's something wrong with her. Unlike other cancers that might seem 'invisible' to the observer, brain cancer in this case is quite obvious.
I don't expect either child to really freak out or anything, but I still feel sad that I even need to have such a conversation with them...
I started journaling. I bought two journals, one for mixed media, one just for writing. Both are dedicated to me coping with my mom's diagnosis and whatever that wings our way. I looked up the number of my old therapist, because I suspect I will need it.