Saturday, April 23, 2011

Mixed Feelings...

So we've found out this past week that my mom's cancer treatment did absolutely nothing. All that fuss for... zip. Now all we're left with is hospice, or a newer treatment which will not get rid of the tumor but *might* buy her a few months of time (it's called Avastin). My dad and I don't really totally agree on whether or not we should do this other treatment... personally, I don't think its worth the risks (bleeding, death, and a lot of other non-fatal things) for not much gain, but my dad wants to do it, and I think that's ok too. He's really struggling now, and I think that he's so desperate for even a little more time with her, this treatment seems harmless. We don't agree on what her quality of life is now, although I think that its because we have different ideas of what 'quality of life' means. He sees that she's not having pain, and that she seems comfortable and not in distress, and so for him this is a good quality of life. I see that she is completely dependent on others, has lost the ability to do any of the things she loves, and her brain is constantly misfiring... this is not quality of life, to me. I don't believe for a moment that if she suddenly became totally lucid she would say, 'I don't mind living this way'. Even so, its true that she's not in any pain, and she does get some enjoyment out of interactions with family. So, there's that... I don't have any negative feelings about my dad wanting to go forward with the Avastin, if he decides to... more than anything, I don't want either of them to have any regrets about their treatment choices. So if that means trying *all* avenues, so be it.

2 comments:

growingcurious said...

I admire how you're holding your dad's feelings in your heart as you consider your own.

I send warm energy to you all.

haggardmom said...

Thank you, I appreciate your kind thoughts.